cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
