THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
