I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
