is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
