I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
