No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
