i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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