Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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