I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
