He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
