this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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