Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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