I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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