i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think i got beer on your cat.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
