My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize