i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
