wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
