there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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