He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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