He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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