soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
