Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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