She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
