he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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