ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
