This is not my ceiling
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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