I met the friendliest cop last night
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
