maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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