morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
