Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
