i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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