i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
