: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
