Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You're like the curious george of whores
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize