Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
