this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
