Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
too bad you live with your parents still
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
