You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
