I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize