Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
