Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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