U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
