I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
