Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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