Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I enjoy the company of your penis
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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