Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
