whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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