I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
