My nipple is on Facebook.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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