You're my little dorito
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
