Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
