you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize