I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
