i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
