I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize