I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
