Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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