Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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