So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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