the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
