I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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