I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
