Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
