She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
