She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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