There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
