i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I believe in your delicious
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
