Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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