I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
