WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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