He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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