Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
