I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
